I needed to take a minute and express my gratitude. Three years ago, I came into this program not knowing if I’d be a nurse again. I can’t find the exact words to express the desperation that I felt that morning I called PNAP. See the previous night I said a prayer to God I didn’t believe in. I told him make me better or take my life. I can’t live like this anymore. He blessed me with a precious gift and that was the gift of desperation. I knew that if I ever wanted to be a nurse again, I’d have to stay sober and I knew if I didn’t stay sober I was going to die. I stood at the turning point, I started the journey. PNAP told me I had to go to meetings, thank God.
On a side note there are little moments in my life when I can see the Grace of God slip in and these moments are so quick that you don’t realize it until it is already past. Sending me to alcoholic anonymous was the Grace of God. If it wasn’t for PNAP I might not have ever made it to AA. Thank God I showed up 20 minutes late to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, just to get my PNAP slip signed. The meeting had already started, the speaker was already on. I don’t remember the speaker’s name that night but I do remember one thing; he spoke of another addiction much more stigmatized than alcoholism. I was 12th stepped at the meeting. See, when I walked into that meeting there was a table at the very front where all the women sit, and I walked in 20 minutes late and there was one seat open. One. Just one. Waiting… Enter the Grace of God, I sat down that night next to my soon to be sponsor.
I need to back step a minute and tell you how I was living. I was a breath away from homelessness, no heat, no electricity, and no hot water. My fiancé had just overdosed and died. My parents didn’t speak to me. I couldn’t even look anyone in the eye. How my life has changed. It stated with PNAP and that meeting of alcoholics anonymous.
I want to fast forward to today. By working the 12 steps of AA, my life has been restored. My heart is full. I have freedom I’ve never felt before. In three years, I went from homeless to director of nursing. I dare someone to tell me this program doesn’t work. I had my first interview the other day with a PNAP nurse. I asked her what her story was and it was much like mine. My eyes filled up with tears as I heard my story. There is a piece of me in all their stories. How crazy it is that things come full circle. I remember sitting in the same spot desperately wanting to be a nurse again, and to be given a second shot. God Bless people like my supervisor, who saw something in us and was willing to give us another chance.
Today I’m a mother. I’m trusted with another human life. Three years ago, I couldn’t’ even be trusted with my own. I have two step daughters. My relationships with my parents and siblings have been restored. I have tools for living. I have a loving fiancé that I met in AA and we have a house and new cars and a beautiful son and jobs that we go to everyday, sober. We help other alcoholics constantly. We are divinely crafted to help others like us. It started with PNAP and for that, I thank you.